Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
