hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
