The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
