Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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