Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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