If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So many bounce houses so little time
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
