we're chasing vodka with high fives
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
