I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
