When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
