My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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