She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
