I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
