sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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