Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
