It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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