matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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