So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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