i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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