You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
