thus making me awesome and them whores
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Randomize
