Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
