Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
