you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
