just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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