somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
