Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
