so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
