MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
