omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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