if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
