I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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