if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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