i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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