I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
