I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
