do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
