i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
