In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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