dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
