bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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