I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
