I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
