at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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