Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
