it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
