It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
