also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
