I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
