my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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