ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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