i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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