Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
