apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
